The result of sleep deprivation and a stuffy nose

Some people are born good. It is predestined for them to know that life is good and that by spreading the greatness, the happiness, and the wholesomeness of life that it will bring them more success.

It is never hard to point out these people. Their stride is swift, head is held high, and shoulders back. They are relaxed, calm, attentive. They move with ease and grace. Their skin is porcelain and their eyes never fail to show emotion.

They make wholesome jokes and create wholesome laughter.

They do their work with full capacity and apply concentration and focus to whatever is laid in front of them.

They know their priorities. Not much distracts their focused minds and the only thing that ever will completely is the wholesome love for another.

They come from respectable families that know how to teach and give and share and are good people themselves. They can provide great things for their great children. They were never abused nor will they ever abuse.

They know what strength and a good pair of lungs feels like and would never imagine doing anything to hinder both.

They know how to dress in style but not flamboyantly. An aura of class and elegance follows them. They know cleanliness and fresh sheets and crisp clothes. They know how to be taken care of yet they know how to take care of themselves. They are not spoiled.

They take care of others. Provide for the sick. They are comfortable with children and know discipline and are not nervous when asked to play. They make wonderful mothers and wonderful wives.

They do not need a man to make them feel good, complete, and strong. They are their own.

They cannot comprehend the knowledge of sin and evil. They cannot inflict it upon others. They do not know the strength of burning questions, lust, extreme anger or frustration. They do not know the powers their bodies and minds behold. They cannot understand them because they do not know them yet they know they are there. They hear of them, talk of them, eat with them. But they will never use them. They will never use their power.

These are the good, wholesome, respectable, wondrous, beautiful, and satisfied people. And do they know how to live? Yes.

But do they know what life is? No.

Life cannot be good and fulfilling.

Life is redemption. They do not need to be redeemed.

Oh haaaayyy

I like lists.

1. I have on wet socks and it is highly uncomfortable (not to mention that my socks are purple tie-dye and are being worn over wet spandex leggings ...I know you're jealous of my outfit).

2. I rowed in the rain this morning which explains #1.

3. I am really hoping that there will not be repeats of #1 and #2 in the next couple of days.

4. I am exhausted.

5. I am excited!

6. Becuase of #4 and #5 I am moody but not really in a bad sense. Just...moody.

7. I want to read, read, read, eat, shower, cuddle, sleep continuously in that order forever (SNUGGLE-SESH ANYONE?!?!??!!?!?!??!?!?!).


8.

This is probably the worst Halloween costume I have ever seen. (Its a caveman in case you couldn't figure it out - courtesy of cracked.com - good fucking website - check this out - http://www.cracked.com/blog/i-have-brain-cancer-the-cracked-guide-to-porno-no-nos/ - how do you make this so its not the URL? I'm computer retarded. But surrriously. Check it out. ANYWAYS)

9. I'm not going to dress up for Halloween because I...

A. don't have money to buy or make a costume.

B. don't feel like dressing in a costume that covers only 5% of my body.

C. can't think of anything to be that is clever, creative, and cheap that will cover 95% of my body.

10. Any ideas?

Class time!

I'm not a fan(atic).

The Letter.

Going to him! Happy letter! Tell him-
Tell him the page I didn't write;
Tell him I only said the syntax, and left the verb and pronoun out.

Tell him just how the fingers hurried,
Then how they waded, slow, slow, slow;
And then you wished you had eyes in your pages,
So you could see what moved them so.

"Tell him it wasn't a practised writer,
You guessed, from the way the sentence toiled;
You could hear the bodice tug behind you,
As if it held but the might of a child;
You almost pitied it, you, worked it so.
Tell him - No you may quibble there,
For it would split his heart to know it,
And then you and I were silenter.

"Tell him night finished before we finished,
And the old clock kept neighing 'day!'
And you got sleepy and begged to be ended-
What could it hinder so, to say?
Tell him just how she sealed you, cautious,
But if he ask where you are hid
Until to-morrow, - happy letter!
Gesture, coquette, and shake your head.
-Emily Dickinson.

I know you got excited for a moment and thought I wrote that but hah...no. I wish I had the mental juices to come up with something like that.

I adore that poem.

Must get sleep. Practice at 5:15 am!

This made my day...

...so I thought you lovely readers would enjoy it too.

(Courtesy of www.passiveaggressivenotes.com - check it out)

Would you love me if I was down and out?

Now we can have a little drink, you know a night cap. (shout out to A$)

Oh...good - shitty rap.

Alright so I haven't posted in awhile. SORRY.

Me and Michelle are on a mission right now and it consists of:
1. showering (not together you freaks)
2. walking to Sam's
3. getting cigs
4. smoking them
5. making mixed drinks

That sounds like a lovely plan to me.

You know...I've been thinking. Thinking about this whole...life thing, you know. That whole indescribable journey through time, emotions, and physical growth. I've come to the conclusion that I like it and its good. These times will pass. I promise (I hope).

Okay its my turn to shower.

Tune in later.

LATER - I always feel like that should be followed by a "?"

Adios.

Fuck you...

Alright. So I have no right to be angry. Jealous and angry. Horrible combination.

I really hope this is a result of hormones and not me freaking out. Freak out!

843. Traveling alone. Palm trees. Sunshine. Snuggle-sesh and dinners. I'm ready. BRING IT ON.

Today we did a 4K in crew and surprisingly enough I didn't die. Felt like I was going to at some points but I survived. Still amazes me what my body can do even though I treat it horribly (booze and bogies). Bogies. Oh Jesus. Shoot me now.

Even though I am going away next weekend and I know the trip will be mostly amazing (except for when I leave) a part me wishes I could go to the race in Syracuse. I wanna kick ass and take names and row my little heart out. Literally. I have faith in my girls though and I know they will be awesome. I wish I could watch them on T.V.

I'm out of words and interesting facts about my life.

(Be a doll and tell me I'm only freaking out.)

One day I'll fail to breathe, and all you'll have are memories

10 Important Things About What I Did/Discovered This Weekend:

1. My mother is definitely getting old. (62 is getting old)

2. This makes me worried and sad.

3. My Aunt has officially gone nuts.

4. I drove my route! It was amazing.

5. I saw good people. I drank good wine.

6. Samantha Kabot is the best dog ever.

7. Long chats by a fire are always nice.

8. Long chats about the stock market are not always nice but are at least informative.

9. There is no home away from home. HOME = 37 Valley Road

10. I missed you!

Oh
#11. (Not having anything to do with this weekend)
****************: HEY SEXY!!
Never greet someone like this on AIM.

I am ready to get jiggy with it. And when I say jiggy I mean saucy. And when I say saucy I mean with you, of course.

Goodnight!

<3

I love you all.

My thought process

Alright so instead of concentrating in class today I just wrote down what was in my head. And since this is a blog and thats essentially what you do in blogs, I will post my "notes" here. Some of it has been censored for the sake of my own dignity.

Begin Notes:
Chapter 13
Energy from Nuclear Power
Objectives:
-nuclear waste disposal
-controversy over nuclear power
-how it works

#1 - France
79% of electricity is generated by nuclear power
Atoms consist of:
-nucleus surrounded by electrons
-nucleus consists of protons and neutrons
-Atomic mass

I cannot keep up with this man. He is talking too fast and is way too excited about nuclear energy.

I need my phone. I need to text A$ so we can plan for Sauc-a-thon 2009. We should create games.

I don't know why I am overthinking my situation with ***.

*** #1
Pros

1. intriguing

Cons

1. intriguing?

Fuck this.

I'm really not going to do that. You can't pro and con ***. It doesn't and shouldn't work that way. Go with your emotions. Emotions? What the fuck are those?

Sometimes I really wish I had a computer in class even though it would be completely detrimental to my grades. Not that doing this is any better.

Everyone around me is paying attention. Why can't I focus? Why do I not care about focusing? Focus.

F-O-C-U-S.

Radionuclide: A nuclide that exhibits radioactivity.

1. Ra-dion-culides

2. Radion-culides

3. Rad-ioncu-lides

3 Mile Island. Hm. Harrisburg PA? Isn't that where Christy is from?

What fucking time is it?

I wish I could take a nap with you. What was wrong? Talk to me *********** (Astrix's are fun). I do not like you hiding your ways.

I am not looking forward to getting up at 4:40am tomorrow morning. But I will! And it will be great. The dude abides.

Is it worth it?

End Notes

That is all.

Straight up "WTF?"s

Today I woke up extremely tired. And I am now at work.

Do you ever get the feeling that people are looking at you and thinking "Wow what a fucking mess"? Well I definitely feel that way right now. Pretty sure I got some death stares, giggles, and straight up "wtf?"s directed towards me.

Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

I should not be blogging right now. I'm so tired. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. Mos' def.

My sincere apologies for this incoherent post.

Its 6:42 pm. Do you know where your cellular device is?

Cuz I dont!

I lost my phone.

Yeah. Good stuff.

God dammit.

At least I am going home this weekend so I can hopefully get a new one. I am pretty sure that someone took it too because I know I am not that retarded to lose it in the matter of an hour. I was literally on the phone right before I went into Northwest to eat, I put it in my bag, went and ate, got back and it was no longer in my bag. WTF.

I'm done with my rant.

Thanks for.............listening?

Eat it up

I don't even know where to begin. Or even if I should begin. Probably not. So I won't. Vague. So vague. Eat it up.

For once I am ready for the week and for its routine. Routine ain't bad. Keeps my brain in check.

I think I need to have dinner with myself as much as I would like to have it with someone else.

Balls balls balls.

Luckily A$, even when lacking in vocal chords, can cheer me up. SAUCATHON 2009. So pumped for that shit. Unfortunately Matt Chen will not be able to attend. However...fuck that he will attend. I miss this summer and its laziness and lack of focus. It was a beautiful thing.

I think I am going home this coming weekend and I am excited. I miss the parentals. And my dog. Mostly my dog....hah. Today I was getting pretty homesick. I dont know why but I always get homesick on Sundays. Especially when the weather is beautiful. Maybe its because on Sundays I'd always go to Cos Cob school and roam around and take in the lovely Greenwich scenery. I can't wait to do that. I love going home and driving my route around Greenwich. I like to make sure its just the way I remembered and left it. And it always is. So satisfying. Every different place has certain people associated with it and different memories. And memories are good and even better when they are good ones.

Okay I need to go bed. Bed. Sleep. Rest.

AAAAHHHHCCCHHHUUUU

I'm at work and I just sneezed. Three people came out of their offices to see if I was okay. They thought I needed medical attention. Ha.

Fuck there was a kid back in elementary school who had ridiculous sneezes...I forget his name though. If any of you who read this happen to have went to Cos Cob School you will remember him. His sneezes could seriously be heard from classrooms down the hall.

Aw. Cos Cob School. Such memories.

Liberation

I miss AZ so much. I don't know why but I have the need to go there.

FEED ME

My brain cannot retain what it is fed.

But my body can.






I wish I could just talk to you. But not so much anymore.

Um.

So I just woke up about a half hour ago. And decided to clean my room. Well at least my closet. I just got up and started putting away my clothes. And then proceeded to spill water all over myself. Hah.

Why am I up right now? And why is no one else up?! Someone talk to me!

Well, I didn't do much tonight/this morning but I had a lovely time anyway. Had two wonderful conversations with two wonderful people and I bet they wouldn't have happened if I had gone out and gotten completely hammered. Whoop whoop!

My last entry stated that I am happy with the friends I have and tonight definitely helped to reinforce that. I'm grateful.

But anyway! Back to the point of me being awake at 6 am. I arose listening to Blink 182 which I made me laugh only because I heard Mark's silly voice screaming and making some dirty, immature, joke. I didn't know I could wake up so quickly and be so happy doing it. Cool.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Fuck this shit. I just fucking went on an entire rant about marriage because the whole fucking god damn thing has been bothering me lately and somehow, SOME MOTHER FUCKING HOW it just deleted.

And auto save did a "save now" right after I deleted it. So my draft version did not include my fucking god damn fucking shit.

Fuck.

I am starting to think I cannot post anything meaningful on this thing as much as I would like to. Technology just won't let it happen.

Overall idea:

The concept of marriage has been completely ruined because of our inability to recognize that financial and material wealth is not as important as being satisfied and fulfilled with emotionally sharing yourself with another. We have lost our ability to ever be happy with what we have because we have been taught that there is always something better out there for us. We are too selfish to devote our life to the life of another and have the set idea that as an individual we are more important and powerful than when bonded together. Having to scramble for time, sex, and money has ruined us all. I am very afraid that my standpoint on marriage is extremely skewed because of numerous reasons and I am also very concerned that I will never be satisfied. I will always be searching for that 'something better'.

It was so much more in depth than that. I am sorry fellow bloggers I just do not have the energy to type it all out again. If you really want to know, gimme a call.

The sun is coming up. I need to go back to bed.

Good. Bye.

9 am?

Good morning!


Why am I blogging at 9:21AM on a Saturday morning you ask? You may think my night last night was not that eventful but don't be fooled!


Well, actually it wasn't really full of events, but it was overall very fun. Had some girls over from the crew team, drank a little sauce (did a shot of Jim Beam - something I will never do again) talked about life, and it was good times. They are good people. I'm really glad I am part of a team again. I did not realize how much I missed it. Teams are interesting. You all come together because you enjoy doing the same thing but it becomes so much more than that. I would like to say we are becoming a family. And I like that. Because being new in a school that has about hmm...a good...20,000 people in it...having a family is a wonderful thing.

Even though I know people (and when I say people I mean in general, not just in Uconn) I still feel like people don't know ME. And I don't know who to blame for that. ME or THEM. I should most likely blame myself.


But this is of course with the exception of maybe a few others. Like A$. She knows me very well. Speaking of that little rascal. A$ I apologize for not picking up last night! I'm sorry!

I'm starting to think that those select few are all I need. Becuase they are all I have ever wanted. This entry is starting to sound like a horrible N SYNC song. My apologies.



On that note, I think I might venture back into my lovely bed. Its warmth and fuzziness is calling me.



Good night(morning).



Will report more later. I am intrigued.

In the words of Matt Chen...

I have "Epic Fail"-ed.

But this time its not at a beer bong, its at life.

Yaaaay!

Will report later.

My posts are terrifyingly sad. I really am not like this all the time fellow bloggers. I promise!